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Being in denial has a bad rap. You want someone to change, but they don’t admit they have a problem. There must be something wrong with them.
Is denial really such a bad thing, though? If you deny a self-destructive habit, you could cause serious harm to yourself or others. Drunk driving would be a classic example. But in other situations, denial can be good for you.
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While there is wisdom in not keeping our focus on what terrifies and immobilizes us, isn’t it important for most of us to allow Reality and the Big Picture to guide our choices? If we’re all going to die someday, we can choose to make the most of the time we have- and express our caring for all those we share our time with. Many politicians seem to develop a talent for denial of the harmful impact of things they do to gain and keep power. It’s not easy to take the keys (or the nuclear codes) away from the generals and Presidents. Why not try to find ways to support one another in facing Reality rather than pretending it’s fine to keep smoking crack to stay high while there is sickness and suffering in your family? It’s hard to face sickness and suffering, but after our loved ones are gone, wouldn’t we rather remember that we were with them, not off somewhere else in denial?
Selective denial has been my main coping mechanism for living with MS. I’m convinced that I have lead a happier, healthier, and fuller life because of it. Sometimes I think I should be exercising more and that my denial gets in the way of actually doing that. Then my best friend reminds me that even though she gets up at 4:00am to run 5 miles every morning and goes to the gym 3 times a week, even SHE thinks she should be exercising more! EVERYONE thinks they should be exercising more. I remember to have compassion for myself and let what I manage to do be enough.